Took them to the nearby park, half-Chevonniformed. I’ve got the knee/elbow/wrist/head gear (hey babes, if I’m gonna geek out, I’m gonna go big or go home), but the Pat Field sequined shorts and Ninja Turtles tank-top are pending…

Thought I was going to get back on ‘em and roller-derby away. Ellen Page, Kirsten Wiig et al, eat your hearts out!!! (cue opening riff of “Spiderweb”)

NOT. Totally forgot how to blade and pussied out at the sight of a monster up-hill, knowing how the down part might go…I don’t even know how to work the damn foot brake.

I’m thinking back to elementary school, where I’d speed-skate all over the county and win squad races at rink parties to the fly tune of “Shoop” and/or “Whatta Man.” I was one bad azz bitch.

But you know me. I got this. I will rock again. To be continued…

Afterthought: who in the world else has ‘Blades? I need a partner in crime…preferably one with equally enthusiastic sweating tendencies. (TMI…it is what it is, kids.)