MIXTAPE #2: BARBIE AND THE ROCKERS
this photo is a friendly steal from my friend rachel’s fb page…
apparently The Rockers are Apollonia, Stevie Nicks, Rick Astley, Teena Marie, Debbie Gibson, and Karyn White.
In honor of 1986 Barbie’s re-release (I had the real one!!! Sadly, her earrings were chopped off, and her rad outfit got lost in the tornado of synthetic crop-tops and plastic pumps over the years)–and also this hilarious Jezebel post about sparkly Ken dolls–I thought I’d tell a musical story about how she, lead singer of Barbie and the Rockers, might behave in 2009 on an average badass Barbie day. The mix itself is also totally femme, yet subversively punkfunk.
FREE DOWNLOAD OF “BARBIE & THE ROCKERS”: http://www.divshare.com/download/7749883-78d
1. Forever Your Girl — Paula Abdul. Just because it’s so pink-ly and sprinkly, and Barbie totally is forever our girl.
2. Wet Dream — Vanity 6. Barbie wakes up from her own wet dream (it was about a dashing male My Little Pony with a porn ’stache) and realizes it’s the day of her big show.
3. Fuck Marathon — Hair Machine. She lies there in bed, fantasizing about last night’s delicious fuck marathon with a Hulk action figure. Unlike Ken, he’s packin!!
4. Pocketbook — Jennifer Hudson feat. Ludacris. She grabs her custom Patricia Field bag and decides to blow some serious cash on accessories.
5. Gimme More Shoes — Britney Spears vs “Kelly.” This is Barbie’s mantra as she stomps down the city streets in search of the perfect translucent kitten heel, children’s size 2.
6. Beautiful, Dirty, Rich — Lady GaGa. Barbie wonders how she can afford all this shiz, especially because she is never sold with a credit card or any actual green.
7. Damn Girl — Justin Timberlake feat Will.i.am. The boys and girls alike check her out everywhere she goes. Pretty effing slammin for 50!
8. If — Janet Jackson (best to her fam). Barb spies an Edward Cullen doll and wonders if she could order a Bella-style remolding of her face. Heavy petting with a glittery vampire sounds intriguing.
9. Nag — Joan Jett & The Blackhearts feat The Coasters. Ken calls, whining and begging her to take him back. SO yesterday.
10. Fuck You — Lily Allen. B tells him off and reminds him about the dirty texts she found from the Bratz 2 months ago.
11. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) – Michael Jackson (RIP, we miss you already). Barbie meets up with her bandmates. They stand outside the venue looking hawt.
12. Misery Business — Paramore. The Rockers strut into the club, fending off haters right and left. “Eww, everyone here is so REAL.”
13. Many Moons — Janelle Monae. They pre-party to this song, drinking straight whiskey that they smuggled inside those tiny COLA cans.
14. Zero — Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Barbie and her jammin girlz get their, leather, leather, leather on.
15. Lip Gloss (Dave Wranger Remix) — Lil Mama. It takes the full length of this song (7:25) for the girls to perfect their make-up. Halfway through, they start a walk-off. Skipper wins. “Ugh, who invited your jailbait sister?!?” says Teresa. “She’s cool; she once fucked Dave Navarro,” Barbie shrugs.
16. Rock ‘N Roll Never Looked So Beautiful – Semi Precious Weapons. Barbie and The Rockers take the stage. Before they even pick up an instrument, Christie starts crowd-surfing.
17. Beat-Dazzler — Leslie Hall. They do, indeed, dazzle with their sick azz beats. They tear it up, and then tear it back down again. Superstars!!
18. I’m That Chick — Mariah Carey. Barbie spots Mimi at the back of the bar, canoodling with Nick Cannon. They exchange a knowing smile. “Rainbow necklaces and butterfly tattoos for all!!!” they exclaim. The crowd cheers.
