I never thought I’d empathize with a reality TV tartlet. I never thought I’d actually look at a dating-show bachelorette’s fully-produced, physical-challenge-filled, stripper-pole-furnished plight and think “Amen, sister. I feel the same way.” But apparently, that day has come.
Pay attention around the 0:40 mark:
“I’m building a career for myself as a singer…and all-around badass. But there’s just one thing missing. I want a boyfraaaaand!!!!”
Truer words could not have been spoken, Daize.
I consider myself a feminist. An independent. A chick who doesn’t need a guy (or anyone, for that matter) to protect her or coddle her or tell her she is a valid human being in order to think it’s the truth.
But having a guy to coddle you and having a guy to cuddle you are two completely different ball games (haha, ummm, no pun intended). And cuddling with Monsieur Spandau Ballet here is just not cutting it anymore.
Yes, I named my body pillow after the geniuses behind this song. (Not to be confused with this or this…although both of those are pretty good!) Because, really, “True” is the only thing cheesier than a 5.5-foot peach-enveloped piece of hypoallergenic foam.
Anyway, if anybody from Viacom is listening, please consider me for your next dating competition raunchapalooza. I won’t poop on the stairs or make creepy sawdust-on-my-tool-belt comments (hey girl hey!), but I sure will stage one hell of a male stripper talent show.
